The Anatomy of a Fake Dating Profile – Part Deux

24. July 2010

Finding a significant other in a bar is like trying to find meaning in a Vin Diesel movie.

There comes a point when you realize the bar and club scene isn’t the best place to meet a romantic interest. It’s dark and there’s too much alcohol being ingested, which usually leads to them not looking as good as you remember once the lights come on.

It’s time to move past the rookie bar scene, where searching for a soul mate can be as painful as the hangover you have the next day. It’s time to look- online.

Aside from the social stigma, looking for love online isn’t just for introverts, perverts and chat room nerds. Though it’s a fairly new and popular phenomenon, Internet dating is a lucrative industry and hundreds of thousands of people find love on the Web. Whether you’re searching for an e-hook-up using a dating service, a social-networking site like Facebook, or you’re looking to get your “geek on” at Dungeons and Dragons online, your love match is just a mouse click away.

Before you bust out your hottest photo from Spring Break 2004 or fork over the funds for an online dating account, arm yourself with information so you don’t unravel like a cheap sweater. Despite common perception, there are fake guy and girl profiles out there.

Online dating can be a safe, fun way to meet your mate and not everyone with a dating profile is a fake or scammer. However, why not better your chances with a little knowledge? Armed with the right information, a fake dating profile is as easy to spot as a Louis Vuitton knock-off.

Just for fun, we put together the most common stereotypical fake profiles and tips to help you separate the wheat from the chaff.

The “False Advertising” Profile

Let’s face it. If you’re a women looking for love online, chances are you’re scouring for men in the 5′9″ to 6′3″ range. Sorry guys, but height is one of the top criteria for women, along with physical fitness, education, income and- honesty. Watch out for the “False Advertising” guy. He’s apt to perfect his profile to reel you in for a date, or at the very least, some dirty talking. Chances are you’re not getting what you signed up for.

General Characteristics:

  • Occupation listed as “Doctor” yet all correspondence is polluted with spelling and grammar errors
  • He posts photos of himself in an expensive car with a briefcase
  • Lists his height as 6’3” yet in his photo, he barely clears the height of the kitchen table
  • Advertises himself as “divorced”

Who he probably is:

  • 40-year old, short, balding out-of-shape janitor

Worst Case Scenario:

  • After chatting with him for 2 weeks, you find out he is still married and living with wit his wife. You email his wife anonymously with the URL to his profile and user name

The “Player” Profile

When it comes to dating, who can’t resist a six pack and a good face? As in real life, players like to play games and we’re not talking Twister. Be vigilant of the “Player” profile if you’re looking for a serious commitment. More often than not, you’re not the only profile he’s clicking his mouse to. Only chat with this person if you’re looking for a cheap thrill.

General Characteristics:

  • All photos are of him with no shirt, from the neck down
  • Profile reads a “one-woman man expects you to be the same”
  • Communication revolves around sexual innuendos
  • Only available to meet after 11 PM

Who he probably is:

  • Personal trainer that will give you more “love” than you bargained for

Worst Case Scenario:

  • You end up getting crabs, and not the kind found in crab cakes.

The “Looking for a Sugar Mama” Profile

The last thing anyone wants is to be a sugar momma or sugar daddy. Unless you gave birth to him, you shouldn’t be sending him money. The “Looking for a Sugar Mama” profile is all about the finer things in life and has no problem letting you flip the bill. Unless you’re Madonna, this may not be your best bet. Before you get involved with this “man candy,” watch for the glittery signals. All that glitters isn’t always gold.

General Characteristics:

  • Super-hot guy in his late 20’s
  • Is looking for a woman between the ages of 35 and 57
  • “Student of Life” is his “occupation”
  • Is free anytime for dates, but always says he doesn’t get paid until “next week”

Who he probably is:

  • Scrawny 26 year-old bartender at a local nightclub who squats on friend’s couches and eats Captain Crunch while watching reruns of Scooby Doo

Worst Case Scenario:

  • You hit things off and all of your 40-something friends are green with envy. You end up buying your own engagement ring and then he proposes.

The “Romantic” Profile

Whether you loved or hated the movie, “Dear John” you probably like a romantic guy or girl. Who doesn’t? Guys that send flowers, gifts and whisper sweet nothings in your…e-mail are something to hang onto, right? While in most cases a romantic guy is an urban myth, they do exist, but be cautious of their motives, especially when you encounter the “Romantic” profile. If he’s professing love after 2 e-mails and a text, you may want to send his gifts straight back to the bubble wrap.

General Characteristics:

  • Profile says “Love children, want a family and looking for my one true love”
  • Profile says “business man living in West Africa in Nigeria”
  • Asks for your address so he can send you flowers and gifts
  • Signs-of “LOVE HUGS KISSES”

Who he probably is:

  • Nigerian scammer living in a remote village

Worst Case Scenario:

  • You accept his “gifts” which are really stolen property you’re now storing in your home. The FBI is at your door on a Saturday morning.

The “Charity Case” Profile

When it comes to sympathy, this profile has it down to a science. This person uses his pity powers to persuade you to feel sorry for them, their situation and eventually asks you for money. Any talk of personal information, money or financial assistance should be a red flag to anyone dating online. Giving in to your humanity with this fraudster will leave you feeling like a charity case.

General Characteristics:

  • Claims to be from Chicago, but then had to go to the UK for business
  • Says “Widowed” in his profile
  • Moves quickly in professing his love to you
  • Said he landed in a hotel and now can’t pay the bill so the hotel is holding his passport so he can’t leave the UK. He asks you to wire him two thousand dollars.

Who he probably is:

  • Young Nigerian militant obtaining money to funnel into terrorism

Worst Case Scenario:

  • Send him the two grand, end up feeling used, lovelorn and horrible knowing you just funded terrorism and some 7 year-old has a brand new AK-47 courtesy of yours truly.

The “Fire Alarm” Profile

They’re smoking hot and might just have what it takes to ignite your fire, but there seem to be a ton of red flags that just don’t seem right. You know what they say about the bad boys: They’re all fun and games until you get burned. Watch for the plethora of red signals this guy person gives-off. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

General Characteristics:

  • Says “sensitive” in his profile
  • Seems overly jealous about responding immediately
  • Has his friend e-mail you to see if you respond with interest
  • Handsome, but overly possessive, despite the fact that you’ve never met

Who he probably is:

  • A psycho ex-con with an extensive criminal background in stalking and assault

Worst Case Scenario:

  • You plan to meet at a coffee shop and narrowly escape with your life

The “Perfect Man” Profile

He knows all about designer labels, loves Sex and the City and you have so much in common. Talking to him is like talking to the male version of you. The perfect man is handsome, sweet, sensitive, sexy and you don’t’ want to jump the gun, but you’re hearing wedding bells. There’s only one photo of him in his profile, which the interrogative side of you wonders….is he for real?

General Characteristics:

  • He knows everything about fashion
  • Says “Looking for a relationship” in his profile
  • Is skeptical about meeting in-person
  • In chatting, says he’s “different” than other guys

Who he probably is:

  • A good looking trans sexual who swings both ways

Worst Case Scenario:

  • It isn’t necessarily a love connection, but at least you can borrow each other’s clothes and gossip about American Idol.

Online dating can be fun, exciting and may even be the catalyst to your happily ever after. While not everyone with a dating profile is a scamster, it’s always a good practice to be cautious. Now that you’re informed on the anatomy of a fabricated dating profile, you’re on your way to being a seasoned serial online dater on the prowl for your special someone.

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