From a very young age, many people dream of having the sort of Hollywood romance that embodies the pinnacle of romance. However, many of these romances started with a date, and many of these dates (while glorified in the films) were actually kind of weird. The following are the best first dates, according to Hollywood.
1. Drive-in Movie, ala Grease
Nothing is more romantic than a drive-in movie. While they are harder to find today than they were 60 years ago, nothing beats the nostalgia of a simpler time in cinema viewing. But why, exactly?
For those who have ever been to a drive-in, the experience is less than ideal. The speakers are terrible, the viewing angles are limited, and the entire parking resembles a drunken orgy for the duration of the 5-hour long double-feature. While it may work for Sandy and Danny, the drive-in may be a more suitable 30th date than a first one.
2. The Enchantment Under the Sea Dance, ala Back to the Future
Witnessing the exact moment rock-and-roll was born, enjoying some aggressively spiked punch, and going to a vintage sock hop may be fun for some, but it comes at a price.
Would anyone, anywhere, accept the opportunity to see these things if it meant you had to take your mom? What’s more, could you handle such a thing if your mom was young, horny, and apparently really in to you? Although spending a night at a school dance can be a place where memories are made, this is one that should just as soon be forgotten.
3. A Day Abroad, ala Before Sunrise
One of the top romances of all time, Before Sunrise features the date to end all dates. Two people meet on a train, acknowledge their deep connection, and then get off the train in order to spend the next 24 hours together in Europe.
While women everywhere falsely believe this to be the ideal whirlwind romance, and men everywhere falsely believe this to be a grand gesture of spontaneity and love, the truth is that nine out of ten couples would end up mugged, lost, and enraged with each other by the sixth hour. While Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply may carry their passports, translating dictionaries, and thousands of dollars in traveler’s checks with them at all times, the rest of us do not.
4. A Walk in the Park, ala You’ve Got Mai
This sequel in Seattle features Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks finally meeting in a park after months of online correspondences. Although their real-life personas are constantly at odds, the pen pal versions of themselves are in love.
The problem here is that Tom Hanks eventually finds out that he is talking to Meg Ryan, but proceeds to hide under the blanket of anonymity anyway, in the first documented case of online stalking. While letter writing and walks in the park can be romantic, be sure never to find yourself willfully manipulating the mind of your potential-significant other before meeting him or her.
5. A Romantic Boat Ride, ala Titanic
What could be more romantic than a boat ride? Feeling the wind in your hair and getting an up-close and personal look at nature is a romantic experience all by itself; sharing this moment with someone special enhances the romance tenfold.
DISCLAIMER: In the event that you do decide to take your date on a boat ride, be sure that there are enough life jackets, lifeboats, it is not a cross-Atlantic cruise, and helicopters have already been invented. This will greatly raise your chances of survival, and consequently of a second date.
6. On Location of a Movie, ala Love Actually
Love Actually is one of the greatest romantic movies of the last 20 years. This fact should be used as leverage when trying to convince someone that the set of a porno could be a good location for a first date.
Whether it is the camaraderie of the crew, the excitement of Hollywood in the air, or the naked people having sex, something about porn sets exude romance (among other things). There may be no greater location for a first date, unless your partner exhibits morals and/or any thread of self-consciousness. In the likely event that your partner does not wish to join you on this date, perhaps taking them to see a movie is a safer bet.
7. 50 First Dates, ala 50 First Dates
50 First Dates focuses around a young couple trying to make it, despite one of them having no short-term memory.
While this movie is Hollywood fiction, those looking for a healthy relationship can actually take something of value from this. People go out of their way to put their best foot forward on first dates. Ironically, as they spend more time with each other, this best-foot mentality wanes until eventually the couple is spending their Saturday night watching reruns on the couch. Treat every date like it is a first date, and the likelihood for success will increase dramatically.
Although Hollywood’s ideas of first dates are skewed, there are applicable lessons that can be learned from them. Whether or not taking a first date on a hot air balloon ride or for a trip around the world is practical, the sentiment behind it certainly is nice.
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