Terrible Dating Advice From Popular Romantic Films, Including Some of Your Favorites !
Romantics everywhere turn to Hollywood for their fix of cheesy love stories. Many of these movies have stood the test of time, and remain some of the best romantic movies ever. However, an astonishing number of love stories are rather flawed, which is why the following romantic movies should be taken with a grain of salt.
1. Say Anything
In the original, he’s standing behind some bushes and wearing a ski mask.
In one of the most iconic scenes in 1980’s cinema, John Cusack stands outside of his ex-girlfriend’s house, blasting their favorite song on his boombox in an attempt to get her back. While this sort of behavior is romantic on screen, it is rather creepy in practice.
This grand gesture is actually a juvie rap sheet in the making. One count of being out past curfew, one count of noise pollution, and about 17 counts of stalking would land the real life Lloyd Dobler in front of a judge long before it landed him in Diane Court’s bedroom.
She’s leaning on him more for physical support than anything else.
Not only is Grease one of the most beloved romantic movies of all time, it may very well be the most popular musical ever. Both of these feats are amazing, considering the moral of this warped love story.
Having trouble with the opposite sex? Want to find out the secret to keeping the man or woman of your dreams? It’s simple: change. Change everything about you. If you are the sweet and virginal Sandra Dee, it’s time to start smoking cigarettes while wearing leather jackets and a unitard. If you are the too-cool-for-school Danny Zuko, it’s time to start wearing a letterman jacket and volunteering at the library. Grease is the first movie ever to shy away from the “just be yourself” moral and dive headfirst into the “be somebody else” camp. Frankly, you have to admire the gutsy move.
Titanic 2: Sex Boat, opening this fall.
“Star-crossed lovers on an ill-fated voyage find true love in this once in a lifetime romance.” That tagline sounds so much better than “a rich girl diddles a hobo in the cargo bay of a boat and then everybody dies.” It’s no wonder the second one didn’t make it on the back of the DVD.
This story of cheating and bad timing focuses around a rich girl who cheats while on vacation. This is the worst dating advice of all time. Everybody gets a high while on an adventure, but if everyone decided to randomly hook up with strangers the world would be filled with far more STD’s and homeless babies. The worst part of all? SHE LIVES. Everybody else died, but she is rewarded for her faithlessness by being rescued from the frozen sea of corpses. There is no justice in James Cameron’s universe. None.
4. You’ve Got Mail
Didn’t I see you once in Seattle?
Because of the popularity of Facebook and other social networking sites, online dating finally arrived in the middle of the society. Nevertheless, there are 30 minutes of the movie You’ve Got Mail that focused on bold-faced lying.
Once Tom Hanks discovers that his secret pen pal is actually Meg Ryan, he doesn’t immediately tell the truth, but rather continues the charade in order to manipulate the situation to his benefit. Just because Meg Ryan currently looks like a Muppet doesn’t make it okay to pull her strings. Keeping secrets is a bad idea, and Tom Hanks should know better.
This is the happiest they’ve ever been.
The dating movies of the decade, Twilight is not only doing a horrible job of educating America’s youth about what real love is, they are also setting cinema records for most appearances by vampires and/or werewolves without anything exciting happening.
For team Edward fans, his lessons are simple: change your mind often, be brooding and secretive, and feel free to follow your girlfriend because you are “protective” of her. For members of team Jacob, his simple guidelines include never taking “no” for an answer, and not being afraid to force yourself on a woman. While it would be awesome to watch these two to tear each other to bits, the only thing damaged by these characters is the future of American dating.
6. Pretty Woman
Is it an apology if it’s necessary every week?
The moral here is simple; don’t judge a book by its cover, because some hookers have hearts of gold. However, the reality is that most hookers don’t have hearts of gold, and that a lot of them just have a venereal disease.
While messages of tolerance and acceptance are always a welcome change of pace, messages of finding true love with a prostitute are less welcomed. Just because Julia Roberts never kisses on the mouth doesn’t mean she isn’t littered with disease. I don’t know if anyone ever told Richard Gere how Hepatitis works, but as it turns out, you rarely get it from kissing. Nevertheless, this story endures as a romantic favorite, which is why it is important to talk to your children about the dangers of hooking.
7. A Streetcar Named Desire
The Brando Hug…
An old time story featuring one of Hollywood’s hottest leading men of all time, A Streetcar Named Desire focuses solely on one principle: good sex cures all.
This story focuses around the incredibly damaged relationship of Stanley and Stella. When they aren’t screaming at each other or beating themselves to a pulp, they are in the other room, denting the headboard and making everything all better. While the movie and play both do a pretty good job of highlighting the inherent dangers with this sort of relationship, many people miss that moral entirely.
Although many of Hollywood’s most romantic movies are filled with passion and love, few of them are filled with any sort of sound advice. These movies are strictly for entertainment purposes only. Anyone looking to them for inspiration or real life counseling should turn off their DVD player and seek professional help immediately.
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