The world is full of languages that beautiful people speak, and by sheer volume, most of those people don’t speak English. If you either want to be a world traveler, or just look like one, there are a lot of ways to sound the part.
While you could always don a beret and a goofy French accent, that would be more than a little ridiculous. It might work, but it would be ridiculous, nonetheless. And since we’re being honest here; anything that comes off as fake or incongruent isn’t going to work. You have to “Be the character,” as they say in theatre.
But you aren’t the part. If you were, you’d already know another language, and impress people with your virtuosity and willingness to study something you weren’t required to take in school. Since it’s far easier to just throw together a few phrases and hope whispering them in your crush’s ear gets you some action, let’s give that approach a try. Just remember that the attitude behind the lines is everything.
1. What to say: Hey Du, willst Du mir nicht ein Bier ausgeben?
What it means: “Hey you, do you want to buy me a beer?“
In this situation, you roll up on a gorgeous fräulein (which literally means “little woman”), and act like the ultimate alpha male. If you don’t come off as powerful, you’re going to sound like an idiot who has no idea what he’s talking about.
You aren’t spouting some lame pick-up line where you offer to buy her a drink, like some kind of supplicating wimp. Unless she’s the cheapest, easiest friend to make ever, or your natural body language has already gotten her to love you, buying her drinks won’t result in anything more than an awkward exchange.
This approach requires the kind of mild overconfidence that says you are the selector, and you are the catch. Beautiful women don’t get this approach every day, and in some cases you may be the first guy to ever come up to her like that. While it won’t work for every woman, it’s always going to be a numbers game no matter what you do. Pulled off properly, with your eyes locked on hers until the looks away, you just might get both the beer and the girl.
2. What to say: Est-ce que tu es aussi doux que tes yeux?
What it means: “Are you as gentle as your eyes are?“
You see her across a crowded room, looking all sweet and spicy. But she doesn’t look like she’s having that great of a time. This looks like a job for you, with your powerful, innate charms and abundance of awesomeness. So you stroll right over to her and lay this one on her.
Obviously this line is subtler than the last one. Get her laughing early on, and you have a much better chance of having both her- and your wishes fulfilled that night.
Of course, the downside to this is that she could simple respond, “Non.” If she’s especially venomous, she might even tell you the many ways in which she’s not gentle. But those are the brakes in the dating game: some women just aren’t meant to be approached; you won’t know which ones they are until you give it a try.
3. What to say: Voglio passare il resto della mia vitta con te.
What it means: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.“
This is a totally different type of phrase, in that it’s not just about sex appeal. Purr this in a woman’s ear, and you will find out immediately how she feels about you. While nobody actually slaps anybody these days, if you don’t come across with either a silly edge or total sincerity, you’re going to strike out hardcore. This is best said to the woman you really do want to spend the rest of your life with.
Of course, it also makes a fun little pickup line. If she doesn’t speak Italian, tell her what it means and watch her face. If she’s somewhat interested in you, she’ll probably come back with something like, “Have you got a ring?”
If you’re a good planner, you’ll have a ring in your pocket, and you’ll make sure it doesn’t fit anyone’s finger for comedic reasons. If you like spontaneity, you can just tie a straw wrapper around her finger, which a lot of women find cute and charming. If she’s really into you, she’ll get doe eyes, and there’s a decent chance the next words out of her mouth will be in the affirmative. Tread cautiously here, as you may end up accidentally getting married.
4. What to say: 我们国家没一个女人像你这么可爱 (Pinyin: Wo men guo jia mei yi ge nv ren xiang ni zheme ke ai)
Language: Mandarin Chinese
What it means: “My country doesn’t have girls as cute as you.“
Chinese people love it when foreigners try to speak Mandarin or Cantonese. Keep in mind that the emphasis is on try, because unless you’re native to China, you can’t speak the language properly. No amount of classes will ever make you sound much better than a child.
The good news is twofold. For one, the Chinese are extremely forgiving when you are really trying to speak correctly. For another, your half-successful attempt to speak the language and slight failure is also endearing to many women.
Imagine you’re a girl going through your day, and suddenly someone who’s obviously foreign comes up to you and says that no one in his country is as attractive as you are. You’d probably start giggling immediately, both at the sheer cuteness of the situation, and the compliment itself.
If this doesn’t at least get you a coffee or tea date with her, something must be wrong with your delivery. Be very careful with your pronunciation, or you might sound like a gang member, or say something completely different.
5. What to say: Oye, muchacha loca. ¿Y una lección de baile privada?
What it means: “Hey, crazy girl. How about a private dance lesson?“
Since rhythm is a very major element of Latin America, it’s rare to find a Hispanic woman who isn’t a good dancer. This pickup line works in a couple of ways.
First off, it says you want to be close to her, and become rhythmic together. The second reason this works so well is that it lets the woman help you. Most women are actually nice, helpful people who find it appealing when a man wants to improve something about himself.
Let her show you some moves and she’ll begin to emotionally invest in you.
6. What to say: “Люблю, целую, обнимаю – В общем просто обожаю!”
What it means: “I love, I kiss, I embrace: and in all I am fascinated.“
This is meant for a woman you already know, or one you want to see laugh in your face (possibly in a good way). Frankly, if you want to pickup a Russian woman, all you need to do is ask for a light: if she offers you a match or lighter, you’re in.
7. What to say: Yon vre amour pa besoin 10 mil pawol.
What it means: “True love doesn’t need 10,000 words.“
This phrase is usually accompanied with a soulful, loving look. Men use it both in Haiti and in the Caribbean, but you could probably use it in New Orleans, too.
Because it has been used comically to imply other connotations of ‘love,’ hitting on a woman with this phrase can bring on laughter or a big smile. Generally, the person saying this needs to be very confident, and able to hold back his own laughter during delivery of the line.
Now you’re armed with sufficient pickup lines to approach women on three different continents. With this new knowledge, you can wow people who don’t speak seven languages and appear worldly. You’ll be giving James Bond tips on how to impress the ladies in no time, stud.
Who needs pheromones when you have genuine interest, a good portion of dominant alpha male charisma, and the genuine desire to take a chance on being with someone completely different than the girls back home? Good luck, tiger.
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